Kinakabahan. Natatakot.
Precisely what I am feeling right now [it is around 9:30 in the evening]. It's hard to explain, really.
Let's just put it this way. Before, I was thinking to myself that I am SO ready to face it, too eager even. But when things did not turn out in the way I expected it to be, I was hurt. I was too hurt that the pessimistic side of me crept its way into the surface. I lost hope. I thought of the worst. And I expected that that would happen.
I thought that one way or another, it's going to finish. Oh yes, something ended. That, I'm pretty sure of.
What I did not expect was that something, after all the lessons that we're supposed to learn have been learned [I hope], is beginning. It's beginning all over again.
And when I thought I have moved on, that I am ready to face life without that something that I want, it is coming back. I don't want to assume that it really is going in a way that is supposed to make everything better, but yes, it is.
So, what am I doing here, bragging about things getting better?
Just like what I said up there, I am afraid. I could not believe that everything is happening like this. I am not supposed to feel this way. I SHOULD BE GLAD. WTF?
I hate feeling these fears that are creeping up. But these things make me human.
