Happiness, sometimes, is just a state of mind.
Somehow, that's what I learned this week. This week is one of the most wonderful and...awful weeks in my life.
The facts that I had a row with a friend, another friend is carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders and is now contemplating suicide, all of that can depress me. But, unbelievably, I've taken it up on the brighter side. There's no point trying to press yourself on negatives.
But, you know, that doesn't mean that we have to counter the truth by our false hopes. For me, being optimistic is facing the reality, staring at the truth, and seeing it the way that it is: the truth. And the way that we see it, we try to acknowledge it, but we do not let it go on our way of life.
The truths: (1.) No matter what I do, I cannot help my friend in her present situation. She's depressed and stuck in a web of why's and how's. I may listen to her, ask her what she really wants, but I cannot help her in a way that I really want to. Somehow, I want to share her anguish, her despair, and her pain. But the truth is, I can't and that this is something that she herself must face. Only she can tell whether she'd survive this wave of depression that came upon her. And I? I can only be there and still continue the way that I'm living. But that doesn't mean that I'm leaving her.
(2.) I'm losing a friendship, the one that I've always been bragging about. All I can say is that, it's is one of the most beautiful and meaningful friendship that I've had. It is inevitable that it should end this way. I know that bold honesty and unbiased understanding could have fixed both of us. But neither is willing to give both. There are too many obscurities that block our view of things. As they always say, SAYANG. I know, I mean, even I admit that I would regret my decisions. Soon, when things are low, I would miss him, all the things that he's about. He became a part of my life and losing him is losing a vein in my heart. I love him the way that I've never loved any friend of mine. But then, this time, I know that we would end up in a dead end, one way or another.
You know, despite all of these, I'm still damn happy cause I'm lucky. God still loves me and would probably forever would. I was not left alone, many opportunities opened its doors and I am damned focus to attain that something.
Life, as always, would always be full of spices.
